tough luck

as the days go by...
i feel moody deep in beneath.
no one understands the feeling i am going through..
or maybe its just me that is worrying to much.
everyone has that ORD mood by now.
i cant seem to even feel or get close to that.
buried with lots of shit to prepare for others before ORDing.
i wish i could just ignore the tasks.
worried that i am not able to do my clearance and leave properly.
my days are numbered in the service.
hopefully i wont screw a major thing causing myself to extend service.

peace out.

good friday

tire [tahyuhr]
adjective
1. exhausted, as by exertion; fatigued or sleepy: a tired runner.
2. weary or bored (usually fol. by of): tired of the same food every day.
3. hackneyed; stale, as a joke, phrase, or sermon.
4. Informal. impatient or disgusted: You make me tired.


thanks to the public holiday i finally can get a breather from work.
standby, duties and all other shit.
31 actual days to my ord day.

miss my bb.

its an extremely unlucky day

040407
it all started as usual today.
did my dental ffi today.. finally it has come to my turn for the next hurdle of freedom.

got scolded by the dentist for coming in only slightly more than a min late.
the display screen showed room 1. i proceed inside, there was only room 2 and 3.
what the hell, tried my luck with any room.
wrong room. changed of direction to the other.
even before i could even greet the dentist, she scolded me for taking so long to come in.
she just took a quick look at my perfectly placed jaws. signed my papers and that was it.
after almost 30mins of waiting time.

as arranged, my fellow sgt would help me with a vehicle annual inspection.
i spent almost the whole afternoon the day before fixing the damn vehicle for the inspection.
the vehicle moved about 2km out of camp. broke down due to air lock.
the problem of the airlock was pressumly resolve the day before.
this problem arise again today.. the vehicle broke down 3 times before the driver finally gave up the inspection.
it only made it to the zoo and had to turn back. sadly one day gone again...

my good friend / driver, got into an accident today.
he was suppose to report to ayer raja camp for detail today.
lost his way to the camp, exited the expressway. on the way to the filter lane,
one civil ford laser knocked into the rear of the 5TON.
my driver not knowingly continued forward. he couldnt even hear or feel the collision.
the civil driver had to overtake him and continue horning before the both of them finally come to a stop.
after reporting back to camp and all the crap that comes along.
the civil driver denies he is not at fault. the 40odd year old chap accuse my driver of talking on the handphone and unsure
of his direction. reverse into his vehicle when he miss the filter junction. his words of statement is simply
unbelieveable. he really caused us lots of trouble. having to do all sorts of report from the SAF to the POLICE.
jackass.

next, my 2ic was on a store run to basically the whole island.
on the 4th stop in hendon camp. his vehicle just couldnt start.
calling me for assistance... i did consult with higher level authorities... blarh blarh blarh.
he waited there patiently from 4pm all the way till 7plus.
when the vehicle break down service came, the vehicle surprisingly started.
the vbs guys did not want to tow the vehicle but they were good enough to escort my 2ic back to camp.
i waited for him to arrive safely to camp.
left for home together.

one stressful day and hopefully nothing else left till i finish my service.

its been awhile

i guess it is almost 2 months since the last post.
no one actually visits here no more.
34days to ORD.

freedom and beyond.

missing in action

finally i found some time to make some changes to this blog.
further entries will come within the month..
take care.

counting no more

the day that i hope would arrive earlier is finally within hours.
the arrival of the wedding mouse.
these months apart have been hard.
i believe not many couple can withstand any form of hardship
not to even mention a long distance relationship.

i would dare say that things went smoothly
there were times total chaos.
differences were settled.
finally i am can return back to the colorful world.
monotonous no more.

welcome home my bb.







 

painful mistake

i made a bad bad mistake.
there is hardly a way in mending up the hole.
no matter how perfect the craftmanship is, the hole will be there.
its the heart that has the hole.

there are many occasions where the heart gets hurt.
this is hardly the first time.
whenever it gets hurt the marks are mend back.
barely faded in your heart.

to hear that others did a much better job
i had to swallow my dignity.
only had myself to blame.
its true, i am not some one who is good at affection.
practical. irrogant. useless. poor.
not even close to being attractive.
what else can one like me ask for.

one gift that is brought to me by fate is now destroyed.
i cant fix the hole.
cant even get pass my stage of the damaged.
not to mention people that got hurt directly.

doubt me doubt my capability.
doubt my love doubt my dignity.
doubt me doubt my senses.
doubt my EQ doubt my irrogances.
doubt me doubt my memory.
doubt my feelings doubt my punctuality.
doubt everything part of me.

every part of me is a lie. every part of me is false.
the truth is i am not the worthy one of the gift.
perhaps one of those that really show concern bound to have a chance.

this time, it really got deep.
i felt it.
to me its the greatest mistake i have ever done so far to hurt others.
when it even got to me, i was shocked.
even my heart felt the pain that others suffer.
it really hurted.

its my fault and i accept it.
it is me and just me.

deep asleep

i would say its impressive how some stood so low in order to get money.
as the saying goes money makes the world go round
really does make some sense.

somethings will never improve.
the technology advances.
but the industry for entertainment still surrounds one major factor.
"SEX SELLS"
i feel sad seeing it appear all about streets.
directly or indirectly, one or another it takes 1 victim at a time.
one hot babe can promote to just about anything.
doping, smoking, sleeping around and so on

dont let yourself fall for things that have chain reactions.
if there is once there will be twice. so get a hold of yourself.
overdoing cause not only harm to yourself, it may turn to even a habit.
example: clubbing.

what is there that attracts you?

girls?
music?
friends?
dope?
drinks?

even if you achieve all of the above, are you really that happy.
as of monday, you will feel the same as you were the previous monday.
are you gonna spend every weekend at the club doing the same thing?

so what if you have slept with a bitch you met in the club?
it does not make you anymore of a hero.

wake up, bitch wake up.

state of depression

de‧pres‧sion [di-presh-uhn]

Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a (1) : a state of feeling sad (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide b : a reduction in functional activity, amount, quality, or force

not sure what has gotten into me
addicted to caffeine
eat alot during non meal periods
what the hack
from a fit army personnel to a slacken fat ass

movies

we watch movies
some are fiction some are not
some are realistic some are not
others reminds us of what we are and are not

-continuation will be done when i gathered my thoughts-

a form of frustration

pathetic from beneath.
work - home - work - home
how to ease boredom.
trapped in 4 walls.
idea is there, no mood to carry out.
what else can i do other than the routine things daily.
i need a freaking break free.

can some one give me a thinker?
will some one save me from this monotonuous lifestyle?

lack of words

utterly disappointed
something went wrong

lack of communication caused such effects?

can some one tell me...

crying deeply

far away

far away

this time, this place
miused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait
just one chance
just one breath
just in case there's just one left
cause you know
you know, you know

that i love you
i have loved you all along
and i miss you
been far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i don't see you anymore

on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
cause with you, i'd withstand
all of hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
i'd give for us
give anything but i wont give up
cause you know, you know

that i love you
i have loved you all along
and i miss you
been far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i don't see you anymore

so far away
been far away for far too long
so far away
been far away for far too long
but you know, you know, you know

i wanted
i wanted you to stay
cause i needed
i need to hear you say
that i love you
i have love you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
cause i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold on me and, never let me go
keep breathing
cause i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
hold on to me and, never let me go

really love this song...
so much for the distance between us
the spirit of living and going on till we meet runs deep in the blood

Iris

Iris

And Id give up forever to touch you
cause I know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that i'll
ever be
And I dont want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
and all i can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later its over
I just dont want to miss you tonight

and i dont want the world to see me
cause i dont think theyd understand
when everything is meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and you cant fight the tears that aint coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know youre alive

and i dont want to the world to see me
cause i dont think theyd understand
when everything is meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and i dont want to the world to see me
cause i dont think theyd understand
when everything is meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and i dont want to the world to see me
cause i dont think theyd understand
when everything is meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am

moment of happiness

alright i have not been online nor blogging for almost a month now.
ever since bb came back, i dont have much time for this affair.

been to bangkok from the 30th June to 3rd July.
had a hell of a great time with bb and our 2 friends.

here it goes...

headed for bangkok on Air Asia.
went on the check into our hotel First House Hotel.
the hotel didnt really meet my expectations but living conditions wouldnt that bad.
spent a total of 4 days shopping shopping and shopping.
the 3 of them used up all their money including sing dollars.
so desperate in buying stuff, went on to the extend even drawing from their visa cards on the last day.
3 of them had extra bags to return with.
really shoppaholics.
:)

_____________________________________________________________
ps.
watching movie in bangkok is an whole experience as compared to local.
the structure of their threatre are certainly more grand.

and after the series of advertisements,
all viewers will have to stand up, come to an attention.
in giving respect to the King's short documentary film.
the 4 of us were so surprise, we just blindly stand and follow the crowd.
_____________________________________________________________

lazy to go on further in detail.
would just wanna end with this...

grades

its times like this, that you totally understand where you stand as a person.
never liked grading. whether in primary, secondary school, poly or in the army.
once being graded, it always comes along being compared to the others.

how far is A compared to B?
how far is B compared to C?
can that be measured?
how long does it take to travel from A to C?
this kind of question happens to be published in primary school questions...
from young this is piled in.
A is better than B.

if you are a scholarship holder?
does that make you any better than human?

grades rule the current world.
everything comes along being graded.
whether you greet your elders - graded
whether your mouth is sweet - graded
whether you look pretty - graded

things no long come from the heart nor from the effort.
facial plays so huge part that no one sees what is in the core.
we complicate ourselves. finding one or more problems for ourselves to solve.
then claim that we worked hard and deserve to be praised.

if one day everyone is treated equally.
as long as you complete your homework you will score an A.
as long as you put on some clothes you are decent.

what will then happen...

running shoes

every runners performance shoes...

came across an article

most teens say no to pre-marital sex

article taken off Home on May 9 2006.

...
Six did not use condoms, despite knowing the risk of pregnancy and of contracting STD.
And some started having sex with their partners after having known them for just a week.
They do it at budget hotels or at a partner's home - in some cases, even while parents are
around. "As long as you dont make too much noise, they wont suspect," said Ann, who
first had sex when she was 14.
...
Others were unwilling to spend 3dollars for a pack of 3 condoms. Jasmine, 15, said
"After my bf and i did it, I just need to go to the toilet, urine and force everything out".
All others interviewed as long as the guy ejaculated outside a girl, the risk of getting
pregnant is little.

What teens tell parents to avoid suspicion

1. "I am going to stay overnight, got church camp."
2. "We are just going to study, can close the door?
Cant concentrate."
3. "She is my sister lah, 'mei mei' only."
4. "I am staying over at my friend's house. She has a pyjamas party. All girls."
5. "Sex? What is that?"

What boys tell girls to get them into bed

1. "I really really love you."
2. "Come over to my house, I give you a massage. Very shiok."
3. "I fetch you home, now 3am already, its not safe."
4. "Want to come over for a drink? My parents have a stash. Its free."

Amazingly girls & parents fall for this kind of quotes.I been through
this stages of life and yet havent witness this process. Ridiculous i find.
Dont these people ever feel ashame?
Hope to find one that is willing to share his/her point of view with me.

sighs

long long missing post

long long long time since i ever added a post.

27/04
did outfield training as a unit.
there were 3 drivers under me. i wont say i lead them
to be awarded the best camo for 5 ton vehicle twice, day
and night. but they certain proved that they are not
just typical drivers. certainly never did night camo in
my training as a sect com. it was my first time. surprisingly,
we completed the night camo faster than the day, despite
the darkness. went back to camp. slept @ 0430 in bunk .

28/04
start work @ 1100.
half day off awarded to all that participated in the training.
left camp in a cab, headed home for more rest.

went to jb for dinner with my family and a friend.
the friend frequent jb weekly. he basically knows the
place inside out. he brought us to this back
alley near the causeway for dinner. its really like those
in the movies, a back alley with food stores on a push cart.
it runs about almost 100m long packed with stores one side.
my cousin bought a huge pao which the friend
recommended. he goes on mentioning its about
2/3 of a woman's chest. it cost only 3 ringgit. its like a
really good. poor in explaining. try it when you are there.

dinner:

stingray
sotong
fish slice noddles
fried kway tiao
huge pao
fish head + yam rice

supper:
low fat latte
hot vanilla
mud cake

bought myself a new 6100 original casing that cost
12 ringgit. i dont think i can even find that price in sg.

headed home paying TIBS with ringgit. i never knew it
that was possible. cheap fare back.

29/04
rot at home

30/04
rot at home

01/05
rot at home

in 47 days time i wont be like this pic anymore.

loneliness creep

as loneliness creeps into me,
making me empty.
black and white vision covering my pupils,
heavy music deafing my monotonous life.

a timespan of 3 months plus has passed.
promotion came, nothing changed.

i know the night is not the same as the day; that all things are different,
the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because
they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely
people once their loneliness has started.

ships that pass in the night, speak to each other passing. only
a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; so on the
ocean of life, we pass and speak to one another. only a look and
a voice, then darkness again followed by silence.

thats all...