painful mistake

i made a bad bad mistake.
there is hardly a way in mending up the hole.
no matter how perfect the craftmanship is, the hole will be there.
its the heart that has the hole.

there are many occasions where the heart gets hurt.
this is hardly the first time.
whenever it gets hurt the marks are mend back.
barely faded in your heart.

to hear that others did a much better job
i had to swallow my dignity.
only had myself to blame.
its true, i am not some one who is good at affection.
practical. irrogant. useless. poor.
not even close to being attractive.
what else can one like me ask for.

one gift that is brought to me by fate is now destroyed.
i cant fix the hole.
cant even get pass my stage of the damaged.
not to mention people that got hurt directly.

doubt me doubt my capability.
doubt my love doubt my dignity.
doubt me doubt my senses.
doubt my EQ doubt my irrogances.
doubt me doubt my memory.
doubt my feelings doubt my punctuality.
doubt everything part of me.

every part of me is a lie. every part of me is false.
the truth is i am not the worthy one of the gift.
perhaps one of those that really show concern bound to have a chance.

this time, it really got deep.
i felt it.
to me its the greatest mistake i have ever done so far to hurt others.
when it even got to me, i was shocked.
even my heart felt the pain that others suffer.
it really hurted.

its my fault and i accept it.
it is me and just me.