i dont understand myself

i dont understand myself, do you?
how many of a times do you actually slow down and think what of kind of person are you?

asking people to do survey on your character. expecting good results.
this often happens in giving testimonials to your friends.
do you actually say the negative points about them?
as far as i know of, none made negative remarks.

i dont know myself.
what i expect in life. what i want in life. what i need in life.
looking around me, i feel inferior compared to people around.
looking further around me, i am much better of than most.
why the fuss? beats me either...

think of ways to look at myself.
why is that so, i feel so different?
i feel some became more open to changes... thrills... dares...
maybe i am too timid to try. whatever step i take i bear the consquences.
how painful it gets, depends on how hard you stab.
currently, i stab myself so hard that i have not realised how much pain i agonised in recent month.

have to learn to chill myself out of the tough situations.

self-reflection.

uni application

finally settled my uni application today.
its a hefty amount of money compared to studying local but i seriously prefer an all new environment to study and to get exposed to.
all my life in SG has been monotonous.

i need to break free. restrictions here and there.
take a slower pace of life, which is very much me.
thou, i may lost brothers / close / good friends. there surely means and ways to get to them.
no worries.

imagine every morning having nice cheese cakes & coffee before going to work.
(take note of the word GOING instead of RUSHING compared to SG)

i hope the day of my departure come earlier...

408 days more to freedom

little reminder

just in case you forgotten how i look like...

pic taken in holland v

things have changed throughout the time apart but my love and trust in you hasnt and will never change.

you may feel that i have react differently to you nowadays but rest assure that i am still the man i am made to be and the man you want me to be. love you...

miss extreme times with you.

as times flies by its already 2 months plus since bb left.
miss her...

gone.

Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil

Ich bin Schnappi das kleine Krokodil,
komm aus Ägypten das liegt direkt am Nil.
Zuerst lag ich in einem Ei,
dann schni schna schnappte ich mich frei.

schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp

Ich bin Schnappi das kleine Krokodil,
hab scharfe Zähne und davon ganz schön viel.
Ich schnapp mir was ich schnappen kann,
ja schnapp zu weil ich das so gut kann.

schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp

Ich bin Schnappi das kleine Krokodil,
ich schnappe gern das ist mein Lieblingsspiel.
Ich schleich mich an die Mama ran,
und zeig ihr wie ich schnappen kann!

schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp

Ich bin Schnappi das kleine Krokodil,
und vom Schnappen da krieg ich nicht zuviel.
Ich beiss den Papi kurz ins Bein,
und dann, dann schlafe ich einfach ein.

schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp
schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp

shaggadalic

weekend finally nothing to cheer cause i got duty.

thursday bridgate change of command ceremony.
spent 5hrs standing at the guard house welcoming commanders.

today out on detail from this end of the country to the other end. total mileage was like 92km.

tomorrow, company orderly sgt. 24hrs standby. pointless in my mind still have to serve.

mono-tone lifestyle this weekend...

upcoming week includes bridgate street soccer comp, national education tour.

some just dont learn the lesson

why is it so that some people dont ever get it in their numb skull.
once bitten twice shy never occur.
time and time again, they still dont grow wiser.
in fact they became brainless. least bothered about falling.
really disappoints me when i see this happening.
wish i never knew about such people in the first place.
behave the way you are, i respect.
behave this way and act CLEAN is L AM E S HI T!
totally lack of self-pride.
at the end of the day you are just hurting your D AM N SELF.

disgraceful.

truth from within me...
Brendon

vday uh huh....

morning run shagged me out.

early time off given by RSM because of valentines day.

lack of sleep.

end of vday.

yet another has left

another two of my cousin have left for mel.
the situation is getting worst.
family gathering wont be as fun as before. gatherings will be full of adults rather then usual kids crowding the parents.
in 2 weeks time yet another one will leave for taipei for 2months.
lonely lonely me...

suddenly, everyone, every cousin beside me all this years have grown up. old enough to take care of themselves. a few years back they were still small kids fooling around. now they are abroad. cant imagine i am still stuck here serving the nation. time waits for no man and i have to wait for my time to come. this wait is gonna be long. that sucks! right! 1 year can change a teenage to an adult.

vday..
lonely vday for 2006. miss bb alot... still waiting for her to come home when its already 1215am there. vday has already began for 15mins. this 3 hrs diff time thing is really a burden. hopes she likes my present. effort spent on deciding her gift.

miss those times...

moody sunday

i was suppose to go visit bb's parents to bai nian.

wasnt myself today. could seat in front of my com and daydream for hours.
usually i dont even have patience to seat there for even half an hour.
i feel extremely rude. something strucked me. the scene of bb going off keep running
thru my head. there is like nothing i can do. blame her? blame her parents? none.
painful and unbearable. no one to turn to either.

why its it this way?

somethings cannot be controlled.

whatever it is i am SORRY.

gone.

ORD

461 days left to ORD.
1 year 96 days to ORD.

 461
-365
  96


i still have so long in service more. so much for the OJT. i doubt anyone will come sending me back for Advance MSET. i wanna move on to CMTL ASAP.

chill

chinese new year so...

chinese new year without bb.
sicken, pathetic, pointless.
chinese new year on a sunday.
no mood. no feeling. no spark.

as usual, went visiting... blarh blarh blarh...
collected ang baos but have no interest in opening. i need luck. i need all the luck i can get.
i wanna be an extremely lucky person. everything comes with a price, i paid far too
many things and have not gotten anything back in return. so its pay back time.

movie watched 'Memoirs Of A Geisha'
brilliant movie indeed. it reflects of how japanese woman were treated at that point of time.
i cannot stand the fact that woman were treat like a piece of item. family sold their
daughters to homes, this homes form these girls into Geishas. Geishas are no more than high
end prostitute. they are just there to perform for the mento see. singing, dancing or
strumming away their musical items. at the end of the day, its the bidding of her
viginity its all that counts.

woman scarificing themselves for their love ones are DUMB. i will never accept anyone's
debt in exchange this kinda pleasure. its sick! this movie reminds me of what i heard
from my friend.

situation.

A and B are a couple.
while C was A's buddy also B's mutual friend.
one day B realised that C was trying to get closer and closer towards C. C didnt
retreat because she thought C was just trying flirt along with her like he always
does with other girls. the 3 of them usually goes drinking. knowing that A
will always be with B. she normally gets drunk. there are many occasions that A
sent her back to his place for the night. this time is different. B got drunk.
when she woke up she was at A's place. this time she was done. B felt extremely
awkward. she picked a shirt alongside her and smelled. it was different.
A doesnt smell like this at all.
as time goes by, she found out from someone else that her bf actually owes
C soccer money. one of the condition was to let C have her.

i didnt hear the ending and dont plan to. sighs.

sign off.

alright i'm back

i'm back into posting. main reason is because there is a distance barrier between bb and me. talking long distance is extremely expensive on the long run. our time difference also may cause a problem. by coming back into blogging, i can express my feelings out so bb can know how i feel. :)

last trip before NS

everyone in my family have this chance. it has come to my turn. lucky me, i get to go with bb and one of my cousin.
this time no adults coming along BUT will be staying with my aunt located in taipei.
will be gone from 27th April to 4th May. will get lots of eye-candy pics up when i am back.

check on out of here. chill.

BINTAN

Long awaited journey to bintan.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

1st day:

reached bintan
greeted by hotel staff at the jetty
early check-in
took a buggy to villa
started rainning
had soup and bread for lunch
head down to the pool
rest for the day
_____________________________________________________________________________________

2nd day:

woke up for breakfast
go kart racing - 22 SGD for transport / go kart
got to the beach for water sports
kayaing / paddle boat - 15 SGD
played captains ball
went to kelong for dinner
pub for drinks + chill out
requesting songs for live bands to perform
_____________________________________________________________________________________

3rd day:

woke up for breakfast
packed stuff
went to oleh oleh market
got back to resort
played monopoly
got to jetty
homebound
_____________________________________________________________________________________

there were bound to be problems having a group of 12 different people with different mindset but overall i would say the organising group consist of bb and me did well.
____________________________________________________________________
specific pictures that i would like to highlight

ferry heading bintan


gang of 12


resort


bb being amazed by that decorative thing


me and my discovery

_____________________________________________________________________________________

i will leaving for taiwan on the 27th to the 4th. out of SG again.
chill.

off to bintan

see ya kids...

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day i'm loving you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Chorus:
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Chorus

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Chorus
_________________________________________________________________________________

Another one my favourite.

Chill.

Damien Rice: The Blowers Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
Til I find somebody new
__________________________________________________________________________________

Great song.
Chill.

MTV Whatever Things

specially met bb for lunch at prata house. she was so late that i finished my egg prata while waiting for her. she wanted to me to order first(not that i didnt want to wait). the total order for both was damn ex but i didnt mind.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Order List:

1 Egg
1 Banana
1 Teh Chino
1 Paper
1 Mushroom & Cheese
1 Milo
-------
$10.90
-------
__________________________________________________________________________________

back home, i was into channel surfing and flipping through my MADEV notes. these notes really cause people to turn MADev. after surfing for awhile, i stopped at MTV (channel 20). they were broadcasting MTV Whatever Things, hosted by eddison chen. i my mind, i thought cool at least there were some reality show or some form of punk entertainment.

the first gig was like, shooting darts at this fellar. those that 'SUN HO' were shot during the NKF show last year. similar kind those african natives uses. the scene was damn gross. they made targets over his both nipples and his belly. then followed by asking the people on the streets to join in the fun shooting at him. argh! that guy bled like 4 - 5 times in the show. worst part came, people aiming his nipple. ****! they actually hit, i can actually see the red veins in his eyes man. his partner still had the cheek to laugh and slowly pull the dart out, i mean stretching his nipple?! they were actually laughing throughout the whole thing. disgusted. sickos.

second gig. they were trying to find a fat guy to perform a stunt. they got the fat guy to try to squeeze into a (spider-web rope) thing where kids use it to climb. so he started. climbed up, got his legs through. then he got stucked at about chest level. the laughing went on. the fat man started struggling and felt pain. screaming and shouting there causing attention of people around. military and security guards came along to assist this fellar. they took like 10 people to lift this 200 odd kg fellar out of that hole. went they got him out, i realised the fellar was wearing a skirt by roxy. crazy things people do, real crazy.

chill

kenneth cole / davidoff

my aunt brought back lots of perfume
heres what i got:



Black


Davidoff's Echo for some reasons the picture cannot be displayed. *shrugs*
Echo

chill